Written by Alty Bear, Kalen’s Bearpup

Kalen is the single greatest person that I ever had the great pleasure of being able to spend any of my time with. With a heart so big that it fucking exploded.

Kalen Alden was my Handler, a fresh new experience for the both of us where he worked to keep me on track and I worked to show him my world. We roamed together, we sat by the empty firepit and stared at the stars, we drunkenly sang together, we plotted and told each other stories of all the ‘terrible’ things we were going to do to the other pets to make their camp amazing. I miss him. I miss him every day.

Kalen Alden died during the first Camp Wolf PAH. I was the onsite safety coordinator and emergency response coordinator. And I could have never prepared myself for the hell that I had to endure.

Kalen died from natural causes that were completely unpreventable, but many a night I’ve had to tell myself that he chose to exit stage left where he did. Under the stars and away from the glow of the city where he could see the infinite cosmos.

I met Kalen during a major transitory period of my life, when I was just getting out of a five year relationship that had defined everything I did and who I was. Kalen was the first person who I told my sob story too and he turned and said ‘That sucks, what are you gonna do now though?’ In a sea of people who could only see the bitter and angry bearpup who was just trying to scramble some sort of stability together Kalen saw something else. And he started handling me. It wasn’t intentional at first, offering workout sessions, teaching me the basics of the philosophies he was studying, inviting me over for dinner again and again and again.

Bless Kalen, his Partners, and his Papa Bears. Bless them for the support they gave me getting through my schooling, when I was working, attending school, and trying to navigate the social hell that is landing here in Portland.

I offered Kalen the title of Handler because he was already doing the job, giving me the accountability I needed to do the great things that he knew I was capable of doing and freely offering the support that I needed without me even asking for it.

I still sometimes tear up at the taste of peach rings. Kalen kept those in his pocket and would often reward me when I did something nice for myself or others. Needless to say I adored the treat.

But all of that brings me to the scholarship Fund. Why it exists. And who it is for. Kalen only was able to go to camp once, but in that space, in that place I found family. I may not have found the community that I needed in that moment, but this year is Camp Wolf PAH IV. We’ve long since built the community that I saw just below the surface at the first gathering. We’ve built a place of Camaraderie, Curiosity, and Care.

The scholarship fund is built so that we can bring as many people as we can manage into this space. That we can find the Pets, Handlers, Beasts, Creatures, and anyone who has ever been so Othered that Human doesn’t feel right anymore and get rid of another barrier preventing them from finding the connections they need to grow, to flourish and bloom. Camp Wolf PAH is not a wellness retreat, its work, Fun work, enjoyable and engaging work, its a place that drags you out of the cozy box you’ve built for yourself and says ‘look at how much you are like everyone else, and see how the differences make you brilliant’.

So Yea, you’ll hear a thousand different stories about Kalen if you go digging, but this one is mine. “Hey man, you gotta learn to forgive yourself alright, don’t be to hard on yourself.”

With tears on the keyboard,
Alty Bear